'That little voice within..'

 
Last night i was on the mood of reminiscing the past.. 
My mind brought me to my childhood days, and i was so dissappointed that i havent seen a happy childhood

I havent seen a little kid who laughs with her friends,  who runs after them, who ate him her parents, and who slept with a smile on her face.. I dont have any recollection of any of that. Even if memories fades and unclear, it is still clear to me that i never experienced a good and nourishing childhood.. 

And maybe that is why i am like this..
Digging to core of my existence i am not proud of who i am nor what i had become.. 

Im ashamed to admit that for sure my mom is not proud either.. 
I had fallen into the deepest of my misery when she left. 
I felt alone, though i still continue living but i felt like a zombie, just passing through life,  lifeless.

Its a tragedy when your just passing by life without dreams,  without aspiration, without eagerness , and without hope for the future! 

Im a waste of space. 
Alot of people who are near to their death bed wants to live.
Those people still want to continue life because they still needed by their love ones, they are still living for someone else smile and laughter, 
But on my case, im nobody, no one cares if i extinct,  if suddenly i dissappear, if suddenly i fall in a black hole.. 

What amazes me is that, i dont care about the future,  coz maybe i already give up on it? 
I have no one to dedicate it to, 
I have no one to share it with. 
Its a tragedy,  i know..

But i still cling to that little voice inside my head thats been keeping me alive and keep pushing me to try and try. I still cling to that little voice for a little hope for a great future, i still cling to that little Voice that cares for me, i still cling to that voice who never gives up on me.. 

I cling to that voice that i know who will never gives up on me even if the world did.. 
I still cling to it cause i know he is my savior.
I still cling to him because i know he is my god. 

My god,  your god,  everybody's god that loves us no matter what...

Bits and Pieces..

"I make no amends on how i make up for what they broke on me.
I'm not sorry how i laugh out loud just to hide what i want to hide.
I don't care how i cry when i'm upset or throw tantrums to people who make me feel low.
Its not them who needs to face my demons, its me, so why do they keep looking at me as if i'm a retard?
well i'm a retard anyway, so it doesn't matter..

But still at the end of the day, you just cant avoid to reflect on how you handle things..
And the worse is you sometimes question yourself why you still cant mend what is broken,
and why you still cant patch up the hole inside you, no matter what you do, that hole is still a hole.

It's a cliche but life is really short too worry things, to be sad and to be a burden.
Life is too short not to laugh, and enjoy the rain, or to play with kids,
And life is too short to waste it not knowing how good is our god and how he love us unconditionally and without expecting anything in return.

Whatever the hole that is needed to be patch on, there is still a god who can repair it, and build it again, as if it was never broken and damaged..... "

God is good, god is love, we can find peace in his arms.. :D